If you read the piece I reposted a few weeks back, you would see that nearly 10 years ago I sold out in changing the name of a project that I was involved in in an attempt to get commercial backing to make the project easier.
There is logic to that reasoning making it a reasonable choice.
It can also look like a small thing; inconsequential perhaps.
Here I am nearly a decade later remembering it and writing about it for you and others to read.
Where it seems inconsequential mechanically to how the project unfolded, it wasn't to me.
Selling out, no matter how reasonable or small the divergence from my path may have been, has had a cumulative effect.
Every little change I have made for what I deem to be a poor reason has dulled my spirit and stained my soul.
In addition to that I have had something of a Wizard of Oz moment.
After a long journey to a magical place, I saw behind the curtain and found out what appeared to be magic had merely been illusion.
After many years of grafting to be involved in elite sport in some capacity, I got there and found out it wasn't what I thought it would be and that I didn't like the vast majority of what it was.
I often found cut-throat environments with people more interested in self-preservation than development and learning.
They were "elite" by status rather than through action. Professional by pay rather than attitude.
This soured me towards professional sport to the extent that for the last 18 months or so I have mostly worked with the general public.
I'm now coming to see that in a way, I swung the pendulum too far back the other way.
The general public generally have little desire for the levels of detail that can be gone into to improve their performance. Preceding that, the general public generally don't care that much about their performance.
One of the key things I have learned about myself over this last few years is the following:
If you don't care, I don't care.
So here I have been treading water between pro sport who doesn't care for one reason and the general public who don't care for another set of reasons. That's why you have heard from me so infrequently. I haven't known who I am to write for or what to write about.
You have seen me posting training videos of myself in an effort to do something rather than nothing. I feel their value is limited in terms of what I can give but I will continue as I'm figuring out something better which I believe I am.
"Elite" sports and general public.
They are two large, vague groups of people.
I have started to dig into my experiences of working with these people. Some of the general public have been an absolute pleasure to work with. They cared about their development and so did I.
As soured as I was by my experiences around pro sport, some of those guys and gals also cared about being better. They were elite in attitude and professional in their diligence and consistent application.
This caring it turns out has little to do with performance levels.
There are professional athletes in the top percentiles in their sports picking up pay cheques for the bare minimum invested on their behalves and there are people who have no interest in sport at all who are hungry to develop.
I am beginning to see through my generalisations to create a new better set of them.
It is still a thrill for me to see pro athletes at the top levels who seem to be driven primarily by their love of their game.
Seeing Roger Federer at 35 years old eradicate a career-long flaw in his game earlier this year was amazing. Already considered by many to be the greatest male tennis player of all time with titles and money galore, he didn't need to do this. He could have still won and earned more. He did it anyway.
Watching Lionel Messi still getting better around 13 years after making his first team debut having won pretty much everything there is to win is a beautiful thing. He could have eased off like many great players have but no - he keeps developing.
That same beauty exists at the other end of the performance scale. I have watched people battle ferociously for ounces of talent where none exists but where nothing rides on them achieving improvement apart from their desire to.
My aim at Float Sting has always been to help people move smoother and strike harder in their sporting and physical pursuits. It is only now that I am coming to explicitly realise that the intangible love for the game may be the most important thing of all to me and that above all I need to be around that.
I care and I need to be around others that do too.
If you love your game and you believe I can somehow help you get more out of yourself for it, keep an eye out for some more frequent writing and some structural changes coming here soon.